How Kids Find Their Calling

My wife and I knew this early about our daughter, Briana: She is a gifted writer. What evidence did we have? First, Briana consistently scored high on those national standardized tests. Second, Briana wrote her first book, Avery Let Down Your String of Paper Clips, when she was in fifth grade — that book is predominantly displayed in our home. Third, Briana wrote a report for her middle school science teacher, and he thought she had plagiarized the works of others because her report was written so well. We knew she had not plagiarized because we watched her write it at the kitchen table in our home. So, my wife had to march up to the school to defend my daughter’s honor (but that’s the subject of another article). Briana is an excellent writer.

Yet we were not surprised when she chose to major in business administration at the university. And we were not surprised when she switched to journalism after taking business math. The rest, they say, is history. She excelled in journalism, and we were not surprised. Briana now works in a job that takes full advantage of her giftedness as a writer.

As parents we have a responsibility to study our kids and appropriately and wisely guide them to the vocations for which they have been divinely designed. Let’s look at what Scripture has to say about this task.

How Wisdom Literature Works

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it,” Proverbs 22:6 says.

We often hear this Scripture quoted as though it is a formula that, if followed, will lead to a predictable and automatic outcome. But that’s not necessarily how wisdom literature works. Derek Kidner puts it this way, the Proverbs are “a key to life.” He explains, “Where the bulk of the Old Testament calls us to simply to obey and to believe, this part of it [wisdom literature] summons us to think hard as well as humbly; to keep our eyes open, to use our conscience and our common sense, and not to shirk the most disturbing questions.”

In other words, we must put on our thinking caps and apply the Proverbs — and this Scripture in particular — hard, humbly, and with common sense.

And when it comes to applying Proverbs 22:6, Kidner reminds us, “The training prescribed is literally, ‘according to his (the child’s) way,’ implying it seems, respect for his individuality and vocation, though not for his self-will. But the stress is on parental opportunity and duty.”

Because each child has a unique divine design or nature, this is precisely why we must stop saying pithy things like, “you can be anything you want to be.” Rather, we must help children to discover what God has designed them to be.

In the words of Os Guinness, our role as parents is to train our kids to discover how to “do what they are.” Our training is to help our kids to discover their unique ontology. Training our kids according to their unique individuality and vocation begins with studying our kids.

How To Help Your Kids Find their Vocation

Here are four things I’ve learned:
1. Fall in love with Jesus.

A parent’s first responsibility is to cooperate with God and help their kids answer the primary call. As Os Guinness explains in The Call, “Our primary calling is to Christ, for Christ, by Christ.”

Your primary responsibility, parents, is to live a life that will stoke your kids’ curiosity in such a way that they will ask you questions about how you live. Your first calling, parents, is to live as “salt and light” before your kids. As parents, we must fall in love with Christ and by the aid of the Holy Spirit, love our kids as ourselves (Matt 22:37–40). And pray that they too will bow the knee to our gracious Lord and Savior.

2. Study your kids.

Pray for eyes to see, and pray for wisdom here. As you study your kids, ask questions such as, What do they excel in without little effort? What are they curious about? What have others said that they are good at? Is my kid showing a propensity for following in my footsteps of going to college or is he or she showing a propensity for pursuing the trades?

This reminds me of my son, Caleb. I remember our family was visiting another family. Caleb said something and the father said, “Did you hear that?” I said, “What do you mean?” Your son said something that shows an acute ability to connect the dots. I said, “Sure.” Years later, I knew what this father meant when we enrolled our son in advanced or gifted classes at his elementary school and he excelled in these classes. Today, Caleb, 29 years old, is pursuing his Ph.D. from a school in St. Louis.

3. Gently and wisely guide your kids.

As you take note of the answers to the previous piece of advice, gently and wisely guide your kids in ways that expose them to jobs and vocations that will take advantage of their giftedness.

I say gently and wisely because we don’t want to come across as “lording it over them” (Mark 10), and our kids know when we parent with an agenda. We must be ready to help and love our kids if they take ill-advised vocational detours (as my daughter did when she majored in business administration). In other words, I have learned that parenting lasts a long time.

4. Share the realities of work with your kids.

Here, I strongly encourage parents to practice Deuteronomy 6:4–9: Use life and the Bible to teach your kids about the pleasant and unpleasant realities of work. As a non-shameless plug, please see Worked Up: Navigating Calling After College, where my co-author, Paige Wiley, and I discuss and dispel myths about work.

This is also a great place to share about your own work experiences — and how Scripture speaks to them, or how Scripture helps you to develop a worldview and workview. I wish, for example, I had educated my kids on, and modeled before them while they were young, practicing the Sabbath. This is an opportunity to be vulnerable and humble. And it is also a call to encourage your pastors — senior pastors, youth pastors, children pastors, etc. — to preach and teach on faith, work, and vocation.