Recent trends show that more people are choosing not to have children. According to the Pew Research Center, the percentage of U.S. adults under 50 who don’t have children and are unlikely to have them increased from 37 percent in 2018 to 47 percent in 2023. A OnePoll survey adds that only 55 percent of Gen Z and millennials plan to have children. This shift, which has sparked both praise and criticism, has entered the political arena, including Republican vice-presidential candidate J.D. Vance’s disparaging reference to “childless cat ladies” and questions as to the leadership of Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris because she doesn’t have biological children.
Given the moral, philosophical, and societal implications of this decision, Christians are called to engage this conversation, too, thoughtfully and biblically. As theologian Karl Barth advised, “Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible.” Christians have a responsibility to bring biblical wisdom into this conversation.
Challenging Distorted Narratives
Discussions around childbearing often reflect deep-seated biases and distortions of God’s created order. Feminist voices frequently criticize the misogynistic notion that women must have children to find fulfillment, framing childbearing within the broader context of choice and reproductive rights. Others approach the issue by challenging binary genderedness and rejecting the idea that womanhood is inherently tied to motherhood.
On the other side, pronatalists argue that having children is essential for maintaining population levels, supporting economic growth, and preserving cultural identities. Even those who don’t hold such extreme views exalt the role of parenthood and are suspicious of those who opt out, judging them selfish or shallow. Common narratives associate parenthood with a greater level of maturity (“Only when you have children do you truly understand …”), virtue (giving — or withholding — the “gift of life”), or a natural response to biological urges (“Your biological clock starts ticking …”). These perspectives assume that everyone desires children, and terms like “childless,” “barren,” and “child-free,” which define people by what they’re not, imply that not having children is abnormal.
In the church, these narratives may not challenge kingdom values but they still reveal preconceived notions. As someone who, along with my husband, chose not to have children, I’ve encountered these biases firsthand. Many people assume we have children, and when they learn we don’t by choice, they often express disbelief, pity, or judgment. Some have even suggested that parenthood is the primary way to understand God’s love for us. This lack of empathy and discernment is not uncommon, as many church communities lack role models and teachings that affirm the choice to be child-free.
I have yet to meet a married pastor who has chosen not to have children, and I’ve never heard a sermon or read a Christian-authored book that supports this decision. The only book I found on the topic was written by a Christian woman who couldn’t conceive and titled Unexpected Abundance: The Fruitful Lives of Women without Children, which, while well intended, reinforces the notion that spiritual vibrancy is tied to childbearing.
This lack of support and understanding has sometimes left me feeling alienated in church communities. If I, a committed Christ follower, have struggled with this, I worry about how those outside the faith perceive the church’s relevance and appeal.
Embracing a Kingdom Perspective
As Christians, we must adopt a countercultural approach to the decision about having children, grounded in the upside-down nature of God’s kingdom. We begin by examining what the Bible says about childbearing.
Some interpret Genesis 1:28, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth …” as a command to have children. However, God’s desire is not merely for a populated earth but for flourishing communities. Nurturing people in fruitful lives is as important to him as is childbearing.
The Bible also makes it clear that our identity in Christ, not parenthood, defines us and gives our lives purpose. We are beloved children of God, and our primary calling is to be with him, not to perform tasks, and that includes having children. Plus, Jesus, along with some heroes of the faith, including Mary Magdalene and the apostle Paul, did not have children, yet their lives were undeniably fruitful and blessed.
The Bible also teaches the value of differences. 1 Corinthians 12 emphasizes that differences among people are God-ordained and worthy of honor. What’s more, differentiation is inherent in the three persons of God himself. When we apply this principle to the decision of having children, we see that it is good and right for different people to make different decisions. And choosing not to have children is not abnormal; it’s simply different.
Furthermore, the decision to have children can be viewed as a calling like other vocations — some are called to parenthood; others are called to be child-free. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 that we each have our own gift from God and are called to different circumstances. Romans 12:6 reiterates that God gifts people differently for different work. Nowhere in the Bible does it say we are to exclude parenthood from this understanding of vocation. Parenthood is a sacred vocation, and so are many others. While we should guide others in vocational discernment, ultimately, it’s up to each individual to discern and respond to God’s call for their life.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Understanding
With these biblical insights, we can approach the conversation and decision about childbearing in a distinctively Christian way.
First, by recognizing and affirming the call to be child-free as a legitimate vocation. Encourage wise decision-making and support each person in their vocational discernment. If the decision seems foreign to you, approach it with genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn.
Second, by embracing the differences in people and their choices. Expect and celebrate differences and avoid making assumptions or judgments about others’ status and motivations regarding children. Church programming and teachings should reflect a range of family situations, moving beyond traditional distinctions like single vs. married or children vs. adults.
Finally, by being mindful of the language we use. Starting or having a “family,” for example, doesn’t require having children — my husband and I are a family. We can use “if” rather than “when” when discussing childbearing and refrain from asking people about their plans to have children. What may seem like harmless conversation can reinforce harmful stereotypes and misplaced norms.
As the conversation around this topic intensifies, Christians have an opportunity to challenge prevailing narratives, uphold biblical perspectives, and approach the issue with care and compassion. By doing so, we can become a more welcoming and understanding community, offering wisdom and support to those making these — and all — significant life decisions.
